Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
