I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize