Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
