No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize