she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
