things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
