More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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