I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
