So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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