he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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