it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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