so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize