I am in a vortex of obligation.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
