Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
