Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
