also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
