I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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