Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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