What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize