I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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