I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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