god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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