a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
