When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
