So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
