This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
