She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
