He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
