I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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