She is in my trunk
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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