I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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