Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize