This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
