so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
