You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just high enough for therapy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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