Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
