So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
