i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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