This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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