3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize