p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
