Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
