Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
