Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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