...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
