Four minutes until I can fart!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
