Betty ford says i'm here all night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
