You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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