Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize