i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
