the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
