i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize