Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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