I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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