I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
