I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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