i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
