There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
