I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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