it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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