You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
