Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
